lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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