her vagine was all disorganized.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize