Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
