how can u be prego again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
