I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
