I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
