He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
