And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
be right there i have to get my cape
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
