Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
