Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Two words: blizzard sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
