Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
