i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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