So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
