Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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