OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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