I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
