I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm jealous of your bromance
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
