Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
