Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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