i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
