I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
