sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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