put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
