I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
