No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
