No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
