I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize