he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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