My friends, they love my intelligence
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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