who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
