she was so not down for the gang bang
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
