I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
