that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize