Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Houston, we have a blender
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
