Me too!
id be glad to
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
