I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
