I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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