There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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