I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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