I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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