i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
