i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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