I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
