I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
