I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize