I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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