Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
