one two three fourrrrnication!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
