great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
