I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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