We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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