If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
