I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
