Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
