Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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