when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
NoShamevember. You game?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
