He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
