People in love make me want to vomit
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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