I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
