No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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