He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize