Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
