is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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