The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
