My girlfriend figured out who you are.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
